


How to not confess your feelings

by digthewriter



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-02 10:37:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4056865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/digthewriter/pseuds/digthewriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the end of the world and Arthur has come up with an interesting way to pass the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Merlin Writers' Tropes Bingo - Trope was: APOCALYPSE

"It's the end of the world and you want to fuck?"

Merlin's wide eyes—full of shock nearly made Arthur snort in response. He rolled his eyes and looked at Merlin as if he were the most exhausting thing ever. He was. Still, Arthur was always kind of crazy about the crazy ones. 

"It's not like we can go anywhere else," Arthur said. "We're stuck here for a while. The city is shut down and all of it is just so sudden and I just figured, you know, why not?"

"That's sweet," Merlin said, scowling.

"Hey, I can't buy you dinner and flowers just now."

"And if we make it out of this mess?" Merlin asked.

"I promise a proper dinner and everything," Arthur said, grinning.

Merlin rolled his eyes and walked away from Arthur. Arthur watch him pace around, it's not like he had any place else to go. They were in the midst of their transportation duty when they came across the abandoned shelter and then they were locked in. 

Arthur had wanted Merlin for so long and if they were going to die, he needed to know what Merlin tasted like; what he felt like. Sure, he wasn't the best at communication or confessing his feelings, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that Merlin was rather offended than enamoured by Arthur's proposal.

"I'm sorry," Arthur said, eventually.

"What?" Merlin snapped.

"Just that... I'm not very good at these things and well..."

Merlin frowned more and it was obvious that whatever Arthur was saying was having the reverse outcome.

"Ever since the world changed," Arthur said, continuing on because it was better than to sit in the awkward quietness with Merlin, "I haven't stopped. You know? It's the apocalypse and the world is ending, the bombs are going off everywhere...I'm just not used to this. I'm not used to being a real person."

"A real person?" Merlin asked, sounding confused. "I thought you were military. You worked for disaster preparedness."

"Yeah. But we didn't think it would _actually_ happen, and on top of that, I'm just not good with people. I don't know how to tell someone..."

"Tell them what?" Merlin asked when Arthur had been quiet for a minute. The derision in his voice hasn't entirely disappeared, still, it seemed to be dissipating.

"That I like them," Arthur said, finally. "I'm used to inviting him out to a pub or a nightclub and make my move then. This whole—real life, feelings clap trap isn't exactly my forte."

Merlin snorted. He came and sat down next to Arthur and shook his head. "Clap trap."

Arthur turned his face to look at him. He'd been staring at the floor whilst he tried to tell Merlin how he felt and looking into Merlin's eyes was a relief. He wasn't upset, nor did he look amused. 

It was almost...relief.

Merlin placed a hand on Arthur's chin and with his index finger, pulled Arthur's face closer. "You're a fucking idiot, Arthur. Do you know that?"

Arthur opened his mouth to say something but whatever he was going to say didn't see the light of day because Merlin's mouth was on his and he was sliding his tongue into Arthur's mouth. 

"On second thought," Merlin said when he pulled away from Arthur's face. "Fucking to kill the time doesn't really seem like that bad of an idea."


	2. Locked In Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin had always liked Arthur. Then Arthur says something to annoy him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin Tropes Bingo: Locked In  
> [FULL TROPES TABLE HERE](https://docs.google.com/document/d/13W5dpxqe-1LIwQykwgGVTXdBmO5Bsdi6nE4gMTSdnDE/edit)

* * *

It took the events of a world ending for Arthur Pendragon to notice Merlin Emrys. 

Arthur had no idea who Merlin was before the disaster struck and they were — somehow — on the same transportation team. Their task had been simple. Go from Point A to Point B dropping off supplies for the shelter-check-in points and ammunition for the guard-check-in points. 

They didn't talk much during the trip, and Merlin figured that Arthur was just the quiet, brooding type. He was wrong. Arthur was just a stuck-up prat. 

On what seemed to have been their hundredth run, they came across an abandoned warehouse. The only thing was, the point wasn't abandoned the week before. There were about ten families staying there and now it looked deserted. 

Arthur radio-called in their discovery and were told to "hang tight" until the help arrived. Merlin, unfortunately decided to venture out on his own and left Arthur by the main entrance. When Arthur went looking for him, he found Merlin in a small empty room. The door had stayed opened while Merlin was in there but Arthur didn't prop the door and they were both locked inside as soon as he'd entered the tiny room. 

Who knew when "help" was going to arrive, anyway.

They were trapped and it wasn't that Merlin was claustrophobic, but to be stuck in that tight of a space with a man he fancied wasn't exactly relaxing. Then, Arthur looked at him funny and Merlin didn't understand the expression at first.

"What?" he asked Arthur.

"It seems like we have some time to kill," Arthur said, sounding rather confused.

"Yeah. So?" Merlin's brows furrowed. "What'd you have in mind."

"When was the last time you had a proper shag?" Arthur asked and Merlin just gawked at him. "I'm going through a bit of a dry spell myself and I thought—"

"It's the end of the world and you want to fuck?" Merlin scowled. "There are families missing and we're stuck here; who knows what is going to come through that door and you—"

 _How dare he_? Merlin thought. Having sex with Arthur was something Merlin had constantly thought about but to be approached like that? It nearly killed every desire in his body. It made him feel cheap, and useless...almost rubbish. Something to be discarded away. 

Then Arthur said something different. He almost confessed that he _liked_ Merlin. 

"You're a fucking idiot, Arthur," Merlin found himself saying, and then kissing Arthur. Maybe he was going crazy, too. How could he just change his mind in one minute? He was _just_ furious with Arthur and now he was _willing_ to shag him. 

But the way Arthur kissed him...it didn't seem like he was lying.

Before Merlin could even lay the ground rules, Arthur's hands were unbuckling Merlin's belt, and then they were under Merlin's shirt, pinching his nipples. It wasn't as if Merlin's body was helping him any. It was reacting towards Arthur's touches. His need for Arthur was winning over Merlin's sense of responsibility and ethics.

Arthur pressed their hips together and his one hand came in between them as he started to stroke his and Merlin's erection together. Merlin moaned into Arthur's mouth when Arthur's hand started moving faster. He was close, so close when he heard footsteps. He took his mouth away from Arthur's and looked at him nervously.

Arthur looked like he'd heard them, too, and his grip became tighter, his strokes harsher. They both came nearly in unison and Arthur reached for something in his jeans pocket. He pulled out a piece of cloth to clean them up. 

They were dressed in record time, mere seconds before the doors opened, and Arthur's supervisor, Gaius, walked in through the door. Behind him was Will, Merlin's best friend who only sniffed once and then raised an eyebrow at Merlin.

Merlin shook his head trying to tell Will that this wasn't the time for it. 

Gaius took Arthur aside, some military talk, Merlin was sure, when he grabbed Will's arm and left the small room. "Did they figure out what happened to the people that were hiding here?" Merlin asked Will, hoping that it would stop Will from inquiring about the smell of sex in the room. 

"They think the families were kidnapped."

"Kidnapped by whom?" Merlin asked.

"They don't know yet," Will said, and before he could ask anything else, Gaius and Arthur joined them.

"We need to get back to the base," Gaius said looking at Will, and then Merlin. "Will is going to take you home, Merlin, and Arthur and I will be riding together." Home just meant non-military camps. 

"Oh, okay," Merlin said; he had no authority to argue otherwise. He wasn't sure if he should have looked at Arthur or not so, he just turned around and followed Will out of the main door of the shelter. 

"Hey..." Arthur tugged on Merlin's arm when they were outside and Merlin was making his way to Will's transport vehicle. 

"Yeah?" Merlin asked as he tried to seem nonchalant. 

"I'll come find you after my briefing," Arthur said. Merlin didn't answer, he just looked at Arthur. What was he supposed to say? Smile like a schoolgirl that the boy had promised that he'd call? "Is...is that okay?" Arthur asked, obviously sensing Merlin's hesitation.

"Yeah. Of course. I look forward to it," Merlin said, acknowledging that they had other sets of eyes on them.

"See you, then," Arthur said, following Gaius towards his own vehicle.


	3. The Summons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin doesn't know what he wants and Will is harassing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Created for: merlin_writers tropes bingo. Trope: Secret Relationship / [FULL TROPES CHART HERE](https://docs.google.com/document/d/13W5dpxqe-1LIwQykwgGVTXdBmO5Bsdi6nE4gMTSdnDE/edit)

Merlin returned to his bunker and Will was right behind him. He knew that there was no way he was going to be able to avoid the conversation forever. 

He closed the door and turned to look at Will. "So, are you going to ask?" 

"Do I have to?" Will said. He'd never approved of Merlin's romantic interest in Arthur; Will hated Arthur and now that he knew that something was happened between them, he'd only have disapproving comments. 

"I know you don't like him—" 

"It's not even about him," Will said. "You know who his father is." 

"It was a one time thing." 

"Really? Was it?" Will sneered. "It's one thing to want him from afar but now that you've had a taste—" 

"I'm not you, Will. I can actually control myself. We aren't going to engage in some sort of an affair - have a secret relationship. I _know_ who his father is and I'm trying to steer clear of—" 

There was a knock on the door that interrupted their argument. Merlin was only glad for it. 

"Uther Pendragon has sent a summons." The courier handed the piece of paper to Will and walked away. 

"He's summoned you?" Merlin asked. 

Will opened the note and read it. "No. He's asked for you." 

"I—what?" 

So much for _I'm going to steer clear of the Pendragons._

"Why?" Merlin wondered. 

"The courier didn't see you. Maybe you can take the night off and I'll vouch for you that you weren't here all night. Just go in the morning." 

"I don't think that's going to work," Merlin said. "My orders were to get back here and if I weren't here, then Gaius would only get in trouble..." 

"Gaius is Uther's most trusted General, he's not going to get in trouble." 

"I should just go and get it over with." 

Will couldn't say anything to stop him, Merlin knew that. He hopped in the shower real quick before he headed off to the main base to see Uther Pendragon. Uther was the administrator of the facility and he was the one that guided all the military. His orders were the law and Merlin had no idea what he'd have wanted. 

Was there any chance that Arthur might have reported in his briefing that he and Merlin— No, that couldn't be possible. Arthur wasn't _that_ dense. 

"Take the radio," Will said before Merlin was heading out the door. "Let me know as soon as it's over. I'll tell you where I am so we can talk about it." 

Merlin rolled his eyes and grabbed the radio off Will's hands. "You're not my mother." 

"You want me to tell her what you've been up to?" Will challenged. "I'm sure she'll be happy to find out you're sucking Pendragon's cock." 

"I didn't..." Merlin sighed. "Never mind," he said and was out the door before he'd have another argument with Will and be delayed. He didn't want to keep Uther Pendragon waiting.


	4. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is on his way to see Uther Pendragon when he gets stopped abruptly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trope:** "Forced Proximity," "virgin!fic / secretly a virgin"

Instead of walking above ground through the camp, Merlin figured it would have been easier to take the tunnels. His faction was directly connected to the base via tunnels and even if there was going to be security around; Merlin had the all-access pass. It was one of the perks of being so close to Gaius. 

He was just about to take the third left down the corridor when he spotted Lance and gave him a quick nod. Lance looked at him for a brief second and it was as if he didn't recognise Merlin, even though Merlin knew that he did, before he just smiled at Merlin and continued walking.

No one, except for some of the security that was still too green, stopped Merlin to see his badge. 

A moment later, Merlin felt someone pull on his arm and he got all but dragged into a dark corner of an adjacent corridor.

"What the—"

"Shh..."

Merlin felt a hand cover his face as he was pressed against the wall in the dark. No wonder Lance had looked at him funny, Merlin knew exactly who it was and he had probably told Lance, _his_ best friend, all about it.

"Arthur..." Merlin whispered when his mouth was no longer pressed shut. "What are you doing?"

"I heard that my father asked for you to come in so I took the shift with Lance."

"Why is he calling me in?"

"I don't know. That's why, I—"

"Did you tell him what we did?" Merlin was sure that Arthur wouldn't have but who knew. Uther Pendragon had military spies everywhere, one weird look at his son's direction and the person's head might as well get chopped off.

"Of course I didn't tell him," Arthur said. His body still pressed against Merlin's as Merlin's back pressed into the wall. 

"Someone will come—"

"No," Arthur said. "Lance and I are guarding the west wing; he's going to keep an eye out for me."

"I wasn't going to tell your dad that we...I mean, you don't have to worry about that. I know it was stupid and rash..."

"What?" Arthur snapped. "I didn't come to find you because I was worried that you'd tell him. I just wanted to let you know that I didn't. So if he's going to bite your head off for some reason, it isn't for that...and..."

Arthur went real quiet and Merlin didn't know what he was going to say. He almost asked _and what?_ but as he opened his mouth to form the words, Arthur's mouth was on his.

It was amazing how they'd manage to find these secluded places and start snogging. Granted, it'd only been two times, but Merlin was starting to think that this was going to be a pattern.

Arthur's grip on Merlin's waist tightened as he rocked their hips together. Merlin didn't want to, he was refraining, even, but he moaned into Arthur's mouth as his erection brushed against Arthur's groin. 

Sure, Arthur had confessed to having a bit of a thing for Merlin, and Merlin had reciprocated into it with a quick shag but still — this was just something so much more than he'd imagined. It was becoming into a secretive thing. The very thing he'd told Will that it wouldn't become.

Merlin broke the kiss, panting. "I don't have time for this—"

"I know. I'll be quick," Arthur said and dropped to his knees. 

Merlin's eyes widened with surprise but Arthur didn't see them. He was concentrating on unbuckling Merlin's belt and then he all but yanked Merlin's trousers down. Merlin barely had time to utter the words when Arthur took Merlin's cock in his mouth. He sucked and sucked until Merlin was fully hard and then he swirled his tongue around it. 

"Fuck..." Merlin whispered and banged his head against the wall. 

Arthur grabbed Merlin's wrists as if he was guiding them to his head. Merlin held onto Arthur's locks and slightly tugged, earning himself a moan from Arthur.

Merlin took the cue and set the rhythm as he bucked his hips slightly. Arthur groaned again, in pleasure, and Merlin wondered if he really wanted Merlin to fuck his face like that. 

This was ridiculous. This entire day was completely unreal. 

Arthur grabbed the base of Merlin's cock as he squeezed firmly and continued to suck him off. Merlin didn't want to make too much noise. Just the sound of Arthur's mouth, sucking and licking, was enough. He bit his lower lip and picked up the rhythm and his cock hit the back of Arthur's throat one more time, he came undone.

"For the love of..." Merlin whined as Arthur continued his licking. He was determined to suck Merlin dry and not that he complained, he just wished he were in his bedroom with Arthur so he could really express his appreciation for what Arthur was doing to him.

When Arthur's mouth released Merlin's limp cock, he moved up with a trail of kisses on Merlin's body until he reached his neck and found a spot to suck.

"God, you're going to be the death of me, Arthur," Merlin said and pulled Arthur into a deep kiss. He could taste himself in Arthur's mouth and it was the most disturbing and the sexiest thing ever. 

Before today, Merlin hadn't gone past just snogging a bloke, or getting rubbed up against, and now he'd managed to not only have the hottest man he knows wank him, but also suck him off. There was only one person in the world who knew that Merlin was still a virgin, and it was Will. He wondered if he was ever going to tell Arthur. Maybe if this escalated to more, and it surely was escalating quickly.

"I thought we were going to be fucking to kill the time, but this is becoming rather something that's making us run out of time all the time..." Merlin laughed. He knew that he didn't even make any sense.

Arthur smiled against his lips. "What can I say? Since I found out that you might want me just as much, I reckon I'm just making up for lost time."

Merlin shook his head. "You're too much for me, Pendragon."

"Will you come by and see me later tonight?" Arthur asked, chuckling, but still he sounded serious.

"I can't. I told Will I'd meet up with him after my meeting with your father."

"Right," Arthur said, sounding disappointed. "Did you tell—does he know?"

"He figured it out on his own. I haven't told anyone else. What about you, besides Lance?"

Arthur shook his head. "I suppose Gwen will know now, but no, no one else."

Merlin nodded. Arthur's hands were still on his hips and his breath was hot and uneven. "We have a transportation scheduled tomorrow for the east," he said.

"Yeah," Arthur replied. 

"Maybe we can start early," Merlin said, smiling. "I could pop by to get you and—"

"Lance is going to stay the night at Gwen's tonight, so that might just work."

Merlin laughed. "Is that why you wanted me to come tonight?"

"I know, I'm pathetic," Arthur said. 

If it weren't so dark where they were, Merlin would have loved to see Arthur's cheeks reddening. "Just a little bit," he teased. "I'll radio you in the morning, and we'll figure it out from there..."

"Sounds good," Arthur said and kissed Merlin again. "I can't wait to have you in my bed." His hand travelled up Merlin's shirt and Merlin loved feeling Arthur's rough hands on him. 

All this time they'd spend being cooped up next to each other, if only they'd figured out their mutual attraction. They could have been together for such a long time already. And shagging. 

Merlin hated leaving his dark and comfortable corner with Arthur but he knew that he had to go. He couldn't delay his meeting with Uther any longer. If anything, Uther would only get suspicious and send troops to go looking for him. And, getting caught was a lot worse than anything he could imagine. 

"I should—"

"Yeah," Arthur said, squeezing Merlin's arm before releasing him. "See you soon, Merlin."

"See you soon, Arthur."


End file.
